I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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