North Korea, Best Korea!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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