the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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