I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
