pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
porn star boner night. come get it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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