He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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