Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think a kid would responsible me up
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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