Please, let me fuck your mom
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
