Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
