That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
