I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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