Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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