I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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