you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am naked and annoyed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
