it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
