Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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