what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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