thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
