whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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