we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
