I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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