Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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