So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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