she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
