remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
