He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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