I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
