Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
