Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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