so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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