Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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