If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
