You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
