pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
