the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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