I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
