my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My dick has a subreddit
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
