DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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