we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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