Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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