im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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