just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
