she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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