pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I looked at my own cervix.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
