Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
