wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
