Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
