well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
