i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
