this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
