After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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