Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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