I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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