Kiss
Puke
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
