He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
