I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Non-Jews are for practice
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
