sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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