If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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