Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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