i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
