Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
