hotel room ftw
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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